Description
Personally I think the word "quiet" in relation to something designed to chip wood into millions of small pieces is a triumph of marketing over reality, however, that is indeed how it is described.
But not by me
I describe it as Pulveriser, the destroyer of small branches, changer of worlds. Well, changer of gardens, at least.
I have to be honest and declare myself a man. I do, however, work in an office so I may not be as manly as I would like to think of myself; once more - a triumph of marketing etc. Anyway, what I'm getting at is, you know, proper bare-chested, bare-knuckled manliness, the kind of masculinity which doesn't need a spell-checker, and will occasionally use "their" instead of "there" and then challenge all readers to recognise the grammatical errors - if they dare!
This is the garden-tool equivalent of that kind of testosterone-fuelled fantasy, chop small branches (up to 45mm, if I recall) from your shrubs and spend time simply feeding them into the chute at the top for bushy items, or if you have long and thin branches, say from a Bamboo plant (who plants them these days? Eh? Shred them I say!) use the even-more-manly option of the side branch tube. Witness the explosion of chaos (silent? I don't think so, buster, this is a Harley for the landed-classes!) as the pulp emerges beneath the beast, possibly into a waiting bucket if you've thought it through.
Once all is silent, the birds are returning and wildlife in general is beholding you in all your magnificence, spread the chippings on your borders to suppress weeds and retain moisture in the soil. In a manly way, naturally.
Do you compost? This is a great way of smashing that kitchen waste into something which will decompose at an acceptable rate - anybody who has ever sat waiting for an entire carrot to enter a phase of existence where it will release all of it's goodness into the soil will be chuckling away to themselves at the memory of those three wasted weeks. Of course, you could simply plan to make a Shepherds Pie on Tuesday instead, that generally causes any vegetables in or around the fridge to instantly decompose, I find. Nowhere near as satisfying, however, as simply popping them into the top and having them emerge from underneath (you did remember the bucket, didn't you?) in compost-able form.
I even know a chap who does all of his security shredding in a wood chipper. He's weird though.
So, that's it - it's sat in the shed unused for a year or two (which is why it's dusty, but I've left it as is, rather than try to fool you into thinking it's lived in the house all this time - I will clean it prior to collection should that be an issue), the blades are still exceedingly sharp (spares are still available, should you be worried about longevity) but have a slight covering of surface rust - it won't affect their performance, and will dissapear when you use the shredder.
Detachable lead for ease of storage, and all the power you need - a fetching black and red, so supporters of, say, Sunderland will love to use it, and supporters of other teams can simply "accidentally" whip it with a branch occasionally whilst shredding. I used to do that for a short time, but gradually came to love the little cutester. As if something designed to wreak havoc and destruction can be described in the same terms as a care-bear.
Please come and view, you can even feed your own branches in, then we'll each have a glass of good-cold beer, which we'll clink together in the knowledge that we've been to the edge.
Truly, this is gardening as a high-adrenaline sport. Second only to the Chainsaw. I've got one of those too, but I'm not selling it.
(please chip sensibly, full protective clothing, eye-wear and ear defenders are recommended. Oh, and gloves - splinters are horrible! Never drink and chip)